As he entered the hospital he looked for the enquiry desk.
He got directions and made his way through to the ward. He thought it only decent to pay the old man a quick visit, him being a neighbour. He found the patient. He didn’t look happy.
The visitor smiled and said, “Hello there. How are you?”
“Sick; what do you think?” came the reply.
Taken aback, the visitor said, “Well, yes. I heard you were here, so I thought I’d just pop in for a bit.”
The patient frowned up at him. “Who are you anyway; don’t recognise you.”
“I’m from number ten, just across the road from you.”
“Oh! Number ten you say. You’re the one with the noisy lawnmower.”
“Well, I wouldn’t call it particularly noisy.”
“I would. Must be something wrong with your hearing if you think that.”
“Anyway, how are they treating you? I‘ve heard that this is a very good hospital.”
“Ha! You’ve been listening to the wrong people.”
“Not happy with the service then?”
“Service! You’ve got to be joking. Bloody slippers went missing the first day; I think they were pinched.”
“That’s not good. Did you report it?”
“Of course I did. Tried to tell the kid with freckles, she’s the noisy one, always clanging things together, she is. Tried to tell her someone had made off with them, but she wouldn’t listen. Kept telling me they’d turn up.”
“Yes, but I’m sure they’re giving you the proper attention.”
“Attention? One minute these buggers are coming in every five minutes. They just barge in when they feel like it. The next minute it all goes as quiet as a grave. When that happens, when they’re all on their break, you can press the button as hard as you like, but nobody comes.”
“I suppose they do get busy. Anyway, what did the doctor say?”
The other squirmed around and said, “Got me name wrong, didn’t he?”
“Oh! Sorry to hear that, but what did he tell you?”
“No idea what he said. He just stood there going on and on; didn’t understand a word of what he was saying. When he was finished rabbiting on, I told him there was an ‘orrible pong in the bathroom, asked if he could get someone to at least squirt something in there. Before he left I told him that the TV remote doesn’t work properly. Haven’t seen him since.”
At this point, the visitor felt that he had been there long enough. He said, “Well, I’ll be off now. Do you need anything?”
The patient said, “A new pancreas would be good.”
On his way out the visitor thought it was good that the patient hadn’t lost his sense of humour.
At least, he thought it was humour.