There was this old couple who lived in a small cottage deep in the wood.
You know the sort of thing, elderly couple, tiny rundown cottage, poor as church mice, trying to grow their own food in the little vegetable patch out back; time before pensions, before health cover; before just about everything, really. Both dead miserable.
She stormed into his shed, where he spent a lot of time hiding. “We’ve no food,” the old lady complained.
“What, none at all?” he asked.
“Nope, nothing,” she said.
“That’s not good,” he said, showing a modicum of wisdom.
She sighed and shook her head. ‘Well, if you don’t come up with something we’ll both starve,” she scowled, and went back to her kitchen, where she checked all the cupboards again.
He watched her go, picking up his last bottle of beer to finish it off. Absentmindedly, he picked up an old bottle of some sort, and without thinking pulled out a cork that shouldn’t be there. Whoosh! This thingy… some sort of goblin-genie-leprechaun-elf-like creature flew out screaming, “You’ve got three wishes, don’t waste ‘em!” With that, it giggled and shot out through the open door.
Amazed at this, he ran in to tell his wife what had happened.
“Give me a break,” said his wife.
“You don’t think it would work then?”
“Of course not!”
“Ah! What a shame. I’m hungry. I wish I’d asked for a couple of apples, at least.”
Whoosh! On the kitchen table; two apples.
“There you are,” he cried. “I told you.”
Her face went red, and she began shouting. “You came up with two apples when you could have wished for a nice two-story house in a leafy suburb, or more money than we would know what to do with! Instead, you wished for two apples?” With her fists on her hips, she stood glaring at him.
He winced. “I was only trying to show you that it works. You’re so angry, I wish I hadn’t.”
Whoosh! The kitchen table was empty.
When she saw this, she went even redder. Her eyes blazed with fury. She looked as though she was about to explode!
He went back to his shed, whispering, “I wish none of this had happened.” His search for the beer bottle was interrupted when she stormed in, saying, “We’ve no food!”