The two women in the Despatch Office had one very specific thing in common; they were both utterly bored with their lives.
It seemed that the only thing of any possible interest was the behaviour of Bernard, the recently appointed expeditor who shared a corner of the office, who was currently out doing his rounds.
“He’s a bit odd” Sarah said.
Her co-worker, Brenda, looked up from her desk. “Creepy! I’d call it”.
The pair looked around the office; making sure they were not being overheard. The room was empty, but Brenda lowered her voice anyway.
“D’you know, yesterday we were talking about my photo of cute little Billy, when he used the phrase the production of children. It seemed a strange way of putting it, I thought. You know, a bit weird!”
“I know.” Sarah replied. “He told me that he thought people had lost any reason to be nice to one another; and when I asked him if he was talking about the office he said no, he meant the world!”
Brenda, who occasionally had to visit other parts of the company, said “I was talking to Barry in Transport last week and he said Bernard had been asking questions all morning. Nothing to do with work; just questions”.
“What sort of questions”.
“Well, apparently he had asked several of the drivers about nuclear proliferation”.
“Proliferation?”
“You know, the spreading of nuclear arms”.
“Oh!”
“Anyway, Barry says he had asked him if he had any idea about whether the global population was sustainable”.
“What did he say?”
“Just told him to get lost, apparently”.
Sarah shook her head. “He gave me a hard time yesterday, when you were over at Engineering, going on about climate change”.
“What did he want to know?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think he wanted to know anything really; he just went on about the threat, and how hard it would be to do anything about it because it had been ignored for too long. I got the feeling he was having a go at me!”
“I know, I often get that impression”. Brenda dropped her voice even more. “Where did he come from; do you know?”
“What town, do you mean?”
Brenda shook her head. “No. Where did he work before here?”
“No idea; but it’s really peculiar because Tom in HR told me…” Sarah stopped abruptly as the man in question came into the office.
He placed a couple of folders on his desk with great care and slowly approached the women. He seemed even more nervous than usual.
“Sarah. Brenda.” he said, standing awkwardly, and shifting from one foot to another. “I have a question… Would either of you know when the food is predicted to run out?”
“Food?” said Sarah. “Canteen food, do you mean?”
“No, world food; you know, the sustenance of the global population… for the planet I mean.”
The two women eyed each other.
Sarah said “These questions you keep asking…” She paused, not wanting to be completely rude, but at the same time being happy to let him see that she really didn’t like him. Her faced was flushed. “These questions,” she repeated, “should you be asking them? I mean, you keep going on about how there are all these problems in the world, and I can tell people are really getting sick of it!”
Bernard’s jaw went slack.
At first Sarah wondered if she had gone too far. No, she thought and straightened in her chair. It was about time somebody told him!
Brenda’s eyebrows shot up, then she nodded encouragingly at her friend.
“Look, the fact is Bernard” she went on, “there isn’t anything wrong with the world, it’s just fine. It’s just hunky dory. So, just give it a rest will you?”
“Hunky dory” he whispered.
“Yes, it’s all just peachy”. Sarah was red in the face now, and her hands were shaking. “For God’s sake Bernard, everything is fine!”
Suddenly, a look of terror flashed across Bernard’s face. He staggered back against a filing cabinet. After a moment, he slowly reached into his inside jacket pocket and brought out a small spherical object. Holding it up to his lips he whispered the single world “Irretrievable”.
At this same moment the room filled with a great flash of brilliant light and the man before them promptly disappeared, leaving only a small puff of purple smoke.
The two ladies sat wild-eyed and trembling. Then, they both began to scream.
Although it was not immediately appreciated by the ladies in the Despatch office, the events that were to follow would not only have a profound effect on their humdrum office routines, but more generally, their lives were about to perk up a bit!