Author: Alexander Fawn

For most of his life it had been as though he’d never existed.

There was a medical term for it; Cotard Delusion, he’d been told. It was extremely rare and was usually associated with other psychotic disorders. People like him also often suffered from additional neurological conditions. He had read that beyond the feeling of nonexistence there were those sufferers who experienced a state of being convinced that they were dead. He’d been through all the material he could find on the subject. These studies had given him a comprehensive understanding of the condition. On those rare occasions when he tried to tell anyone that he had doubts about whether he existed, they just ignored him. It was as though they hadn’t heard him. In fact, no one ever seemed to hear him. He realised that it was this sort of disconnection that was the kind of thing that had caused many of his fellow victims come to the conclusion that they were dead.

It is difficult to say how much more time would need to pass before he became aware of the fact that he was…

When he came out of his building the cold night air hit him.

He cursed the fact that this night of all nights he had to go out of his way to buy his wife’s lottery ticket. He’d probably miss his regular bus and then have to stand about freezing, waiting for the next. She normally bought these, but couldn’t this time. He had never been much of a gambler himself, but he knew how much pleasure she got, waiting for her numbers to come up. There was a queue. Eventually, with the ticket safely tucked away in his wallet, he made his way back. At the end of the street he rounded the corner, just in time to see his bus take off. He cursed again and looked at the time. He had a fifteen minute wait.

Opposite his stop was a large, imposing building that never seemed to be open when he left the office, leading him to think that it was some sort of nightclub. He would take the opportunity to check it out. He climbed the three steps at the entrance and began to read the board located on one side of the door. It was evidently some sort of gaming club. For a moment he considered trying the door; to go in and look around; no harm in that, surely. He had time. He decided against it and went back to reading the small print. Seconds later, he was startled to find that someone had come up behind him. He turned to see a short man, rugged up with a bulging duffle coat and scarf wrapped around his face, with his eyes barely showing.

It looked as though this queer looking fellow was about to go in, so he moved closer to the information board to let him pass.

The little man enquired courteously, “Are you going in?”

With a shake of his head, he said, “No, just reading.”

“In that case,” he said, “I have to say that Lady Luck smiles on you this evening.” At this, he pushed the door open and went in. Despite its appearance, the place was obviously open.

At first, he considered the remark unusual, but there again, the notice indicated that it was an establishment for gambling and the remark was probably one often used by the patrons. Nevertheless, it was strange. He crossed the road to the bus stop. Three more minutes and he’d be out of the wind. When it arrived he made his way to the upper deck and sat looking across at the club.

As the bus moved off, lights flashed within the building, accompanied by a number of muffled gunshots…

When the well-dressed man saw him, he wondered if he was all right.

The old man was standing in front of a vending machine. His head was bowed, and he was leaning against the vending machine with the palms of his hands. The man went over to him and asked if he had a problem. The old guy gathered himself and looked around.

“I was trying to buy a fruit bar,” he said. “I managed to get the first two coins in, but I dropped the last one. It must have rolled under the machine.” He grimaced and said, “I don’t have any more change. I can’t get down there, you see.”

“Can I help?”

“Well, that would be good of you, yes. I’m sure it’s under there.”

The man, although wearing a suit and tie, squatted down and peered underneath. He stood up and said, “It’s dark under there, I’ll use the torch on my phone.”

Switching it on, he said, “This’ll help.”

He crouched down again and quickly stood up with a smile. “I can see it,” he said, “but I think I’ll have to lay down flat and, on my side, because it’s hard up against the bottom of the wall. I’m pretty sure my arm is long enough.” Removing his jacket, he said, “the floor looks a bit grubby; can you hold this?”

“Of course,” said the old man, “I’m so sorry to put you to all this trouble when it was my clumsiness that caused it.”

“No trouble at all,” came the reply, as he lay down, holding the torch in one hand while extending his other arm as far as it could go.” After a bit of grunting, he let out a rasping, “Yes!”

Struggling to his feet, he handed the coin over with a grin.

The old man went to say something, but was cut off. Taking his jacket back and putting it on, he said, “That’s OK. You’ve thanked me enough. Glad I could help. Why don’t you buy your fruit bar.”

The old-timer put the last coin in, collected his snack, and with a wave, went on his way.

Driving home, the man was feeling rather pleased with himself.

When he got there, he was telling his wife about his good deed for the day. He was doing this when he made the discovery… That was when his feelings about the old guy did a rapid about turn.

His wallet was gone!

The man who lived across the road from her had a secret.

It had begun soon after he moved in. Starting from the moment he first saw her. That day, a long time back. He’d been checking his mail box when he saw her come out of her house. She had walked along the short front path to her front gate and stood opening and closing it with such care. He saw her as a vision of loveliness. To say that he was instantly enamoured with her would be an understatement. In fact, from that point on he was captivated; bewitched even.

He made a point of going to the local shops when she did. He knew what hairdressers she used and would find a place across the street and wait for her to come out. He would watch her when she went for walks in the park and would get a nearby table whenever she called in at her favourite café.

Despite the fact that he seemed to accompany her wherever she went, as a rule people didn’t notice. It was only her guide dog that regularly looked at him with interest.

They said he couldn’t climb it.

The telecommunications tower stood in the centre of the field. It was easy enough to park and hop over the fence, but the actual climb was something else. Naturally, they didn’t want anyone climbing it and had constructed it with that in mind. So many of his online fans had said that getting to the top of the tower in question was not possible. He would show them!

After the long stretch up from the base to start with, he negotiated his way around the anti-climb spikes. These things were really tricky. After that, it had been a very long haul moving up the steel lattice, hand-over-hand until he reached the top. Of course, once there, out came the phone. This would be the selfie to beat all selfies. He held the camera up high enough to show the full height of it. ‘Click’, ‘click’, and another ‘click’; just to make sure he had fully captured the moment. He spent a couple of minutes choosing the best one to send.

He was posting his great achievement online when it happened. It was only a brief gust of wind that did it. He was now laying on his back at the foot of the tower, completely unable to move. He was thinking about what damage he may have done to his body when the first ‘ping’ came. He was lying on his phone, unable to get to it, but he recognised the chime. It was a ‘like’.

Then, they came in… faster and faster.

They said he couldn’t climb it.

The telecommunications tower stood in the centre of the field. It was easy enough to park and hop over the fence, but the actual climb was something else. Naturally, they didn’t want anyone climbing it and had constructed it with that in mind. So many of his online fans had said that getting to the top of the tower in question was not possible. He would show them!

After the long stretch up from the base to start with, he negotiated his way around the anti-climb spikes. These things were really tricky. After that, it had been a very long haul moving up the steel lattice, hand-over-hand until he reached the top. Of course, once there, out came the phone. This would be the selfie to beat all selfies. He held the camera up high enough to show the full height of it. ‘Click’, ‘click’, and another ‘click’; just to make sure he had fully captured the moment. He spent a couple of minutes choosing the best one to send.

He was posting his great achievement online when it happened. It was only a brief gust of wind that did it. He was now laying on his back at the foot of the tower, completely unable to move. He was thinking about what damage he may have done to his body when the first ‘ping’ came. He was lying on his phone, unable to get to it, but he recognised the chime. It was a ‘like’.

Then, they came in… faster and faster.

Since he’d left there was just her and her mum.

Although it had been almost two years ago that he’d said that he wasn’t getting anywhere and wanted to be free, and for that reason he was leaving to make a better life for himself, she still missed him. The parting was surprisingly free of any real animosity and he’d obviously made up his mind. She and her mother both had part-time work and although neither job brought in much money, they always seemed to manage with what they had. Apart from the daughter’s day job, something she regarded as pretty humdrum, stocking shelves in the supermarket, she served twice a week in the local soup kitchen. She had been doing this regularly on the appointed evenings and had always enjoyed the activity. Although her time was given as a volunteer, she found it far more rewarding than her day job. The food they provided was free for those who really needed it and this always gave her a sense of doing something worthwhile.

It was an especially cold night and one that made the bowl of hot food much appreciated by the couple of dozen customers that formed a queue in front of the serving tables. On this occasion she was handing out cutlery and napkins when she couldn’t help noticing a bearded, scruffy looking man who was moving closer. She felt there was something familiar about him. When he arrived in front of her, his hand went out to take what she was offering.

He froze, staring at her. He said, “Lordy! Is that you?”

She frowned. “Dad?”

She’d been having no luck at all on the dating site.

She met up with her friend who was interested to hear how it was going. She told her that after giving her details she had a response almost immediately. She put that down to the fact that she cheated a bit with the photo she used. She had made a point of saying that responses from guys with poor eyesight would be viewed favourably.

Her friend asked, “Why did you say that?”

“Well, mainly because of the picture I posted”

Her friend laughed. “One taken ten years ago, I bet.”

“No. Not exactly.”

“What then?”

Looking sheepish, she said, “I used a photo of Charlize Theron.”

“Wow! What did he say?”

“He said it looked like a photo of Charlize Theron.”

“What did you say?”

“I said that I was her twin sister.”

“Oh! Come on. You didn’t!”

“I did.”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing, just logged off.”

He was told that the bandages would stay on until the following day.

Apparently the eye operation had gone well. With any luck he’d be back in the office next week. He figured it would be visiting time soon. Shortly after he heard movement and chatter. Family and friends arriving, no doubt. He heard her approach and move the chair. She took his hand. They’d had words on the previous visit and it hadn’t ended well. The whole thing had been blown up out of proportion. However, he’d given a lot of thought to the issue and had decided to explain. Nothing was said for a while, then he began.

“I’ve been thinking, you’re probably right. I shouldn’t have kissed her. It was only a peck on the cheek, but I was grateful that she’d gone to the trouble of seeing that the parcel got delivered OK. After all, she could have marked it as ‘return to sender’ and been done with it. Instead, she’d carried it all the way down to our place and delivered it personally. It was just a spur of the moment thing.” He fell silent for a moment. “I know, it was broad daylight and anybody could have been watching, but…” He felt his hand squeezed a little tighter and broke off.

The nurse spoke for the first time. “How are you feeling now?”

He went cold. “Oh! Sorry nurse.”

Although he couldn’t see her, he heard the smile in her voice.

“Oh! Don’t apologise, this happens from time to time. To be honest, I’ve always regarded it as one of the perks of the job.”

She sat, quietly fiddling with her mobile phone.

She’d been getting a lot of messages lately. The video clip her brother sent was pretty cool. If there was time before the end of the lesson, she’d put it on silent and watch it again. She was looking at her photos. The ones she’d taken over the weekend were looking really great. She deleted one or two duplicates. When she had more time she’d download them to her computer.

As she looked up at the clock, the end-of-period bell sounded and she became aware that she was being stared at.

It was wrong to do this in class, she knew that, but let’s face it, what student is going to complain?

It was a wet night and he was driving very carefully.

Very carefully, because he’d ignored his friends back at the pub when they’d suggested he call for a taxi. He knew he would be alright if he took care. After all, he wasn’t so much drunk, as tired. It had been a busy day and it was natural that he would be feeling exhausted. He’d been running around all day, hardly taking a break. He was convinced that all he had to do was drive slowly, especially through these unlit lanes, he thought. In fact, he was thinking about that when he nodded off.

The car, now doing its own thing, wandered slowly towards and over the grassy edge, then plummeted down the slope, where it sideswiped a tree and flipped over onto its roof. The man inside was hanging in the safety belt. He had struck his head on the way down. The pain was intense and he couldn’t move.

Moments later, he found himself outside… he was literally outside, looking down on the scene. He saw the upturned vehicle with its wheels spinning, gradually coming to a halt. He knew there was a body inside and tried to look in, but he found himself slowly drifting up, up into the blackness of the night sky. He was floating above the trees when the light appeared above him. It was a dim glow at first, then brightening to a glaring hole.

It was so perfectly round that it looked like some kind of entrance. Was this the tunnel that people talked about? He was gazing up at it when he was aware that he was no longer rising. It was then that he heard the voice; not so much a voice, but a sort of tut-tut sound. Moments later, he heard the voice.

“Usual thing, drink I suppose,” he heard, as it came with not much more than a casual whisper.

Looking up into the brilliant light, he said, “Well, yes, but there was the tiredness, as well.”

“Tiredness, as well?” came the murmur. “Of course. There you are then; what did you expect?”

He wasn’t sure how he should answer. After a few beats he said, “OK. This is it, is it? This is where I get sucked up into this tunnel, I suppose.”

He thought he heard a sigh, followed by a mumbled, “Not necessarily.”

“You mean… you mean there’s a chance that I won’t, you know, die?”

In a slightly louder, more forceful voice, came “Shush! I’m thinking…”