Somethings, although seemingly trivial, can haunt a person for a lifetime.
It started with a small moral lapse, a petty sin, an indiscretion, a mere peccadillo, just a moment of trifling childish behaviour, if you like. You could say all of these things, or you could say it was theft. He was six when it happened. He had a friend at playgroup. He was his best friend. One day his friend took along his favourite toy to show the class. It was a new miniature car. It was a black saloon with doors that opened and closed. The hood and the trunk did the same. Despite being very small, the details were just about perfect. For several days he took it in for others to look at.
Then, leaving one day, it fell out of his school bag onto the front lawn, silently, just as everyone was making their way out to the carpark where their parents would be waiting. His being at the back of the group and following his friend, was the reason that he was the only one to see that it had happened. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. He often reflected on the fact that it began at that precise moment.
The following day, the lost toy was talked about and children were asked to look around the classroom and later they all went outside to hunt around between the building and the carpark. Of course, they found nothing. The kids seemed to enjoy it all and see it as fun, whereas his friend cried a lot. He remembered putting his arm around him to comfort him. Another moment that would forever haunt him.
At that time his father had a car that was used mainly for work, but was also used when they all went out together for a trip somewhere, as a family. It was quite a grand old car with pull-out ashtrays, never used, each one set in the back of the front seats. Neither of his parents smoked and his father rarely had passengers in the front seat. So, as a child, he was the only one who sat on the single, long seat in the back, with his mum and dad in the front. It was in one of these ashtrays that he put and kept the tiny car. When they all went out for a ride he could happily play with it, unseen.
He couldn’t remember the exact moment that the guilt of what he’d done came fully home to him. Perhaps there was never a single moment, but a gradual building of remorse. Either way, he had it firmly in his mind that he would return it. He wasn’t sure whether this would be done with a full confession of him stealing it or the easier version of saying that he had found it. Whichever way he did it he knew it would make his friend very happy. He decided that on the Monday morning he would put the toy in his pocket and take it into class. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to do it.
That morning, there was an air of excitement when, instead of just his father, both of his parents went out to the garage with him. That’s when he found out that over the weekend his father had traded his car in for a new one.