He sat typing in the small room allocated to him.
‘We here at the Crackerjack Chemical Company are proud to announce the launch of a new product that we are excited about. The Serenity pill!
Today, we release onto the market a pill that has been designed specifically for patients suffering from anxiety.
This product, having passed all aspects of a most rigorous testing regime has been fully approved, and is now available as an over-the-counter medication in pharmacies.
The easily digestible Serenity pill is guaranteed to not just lessen a person’s anxiety level, but to wipe it out completely…’
A knock at the door had him look up from his keyboard. He was a copywriter, paid by the pharmaceutical company to draft a piece for marketing purposes, as a promotion for the release of their new drug. He smiled at the Managing Director as he entered, and started to stand.
“No. Don’t get up,” he said, batting him back down with his hand. “Just thought I’d see how you were doing.”
“Well, it took a while for me to look through your notes, and the test results, of course.”
“Oh! You looked at them as well did you?”
“Yes.”
“So, how’s it going?”
“Well… I do have some issues.”
“Go on.”
“OK. I’ve only typed up four short paragraphs, based on your notes, but looking over these papers I find that there are errors in all of them.”
“Really?” He pulled up a chair. “For instance?”
“Well, in this first paragraph…” he read it out, “I think there’s a problem with the words ‘new product’”.
“How’s that?”
The writer pointed to the pile of papers at the end of the desk. “According to these, this is a product that you’ve had on the market for several years, with no changes being made to the ingredients.”
“Um! You have a point there, I grant you that, but we felt that a new name would boost sales. Serenity… good one eh? Do you like it?”
“I, I suppose so.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes. Paragraph two.” He pulled papers out of the stack. “Yes, here we are. I’m not sure it’s strictly true to say that it’s been ‘designed specifically’, when it is established that it’s not a new drug.”
The manager shrugged. “Anything else?” he repeated, looking tired.
More papers are sifted through and taken from the pile. “These tell me that there has been no official approval for the drug as yet.”
“Not yet, granted, but any day now.”
“Yes, that’s my point. Until you get approval I feel that the line ‘has been fully approved’ is misleading, at the very least.”
The manager slumped back into the chair, looking haggard. “Is that it?
“I’m afraid not. Again, looking at your suggested copy and referring to the test results, I have doubts about saying ‘easily digestible’ when I note that over twenty percent of those tested had choking fits.”
The manager leant forward with his head in his hands. “Have you finished?” he mumbled weakly.
After a long silence the copyrighter cleared his throat. “I couldn’t help noting in the test results you provided as background material, there are fifty-eight possible side effects listed. I don’t think I can put much of a positive spin on that.”
Through his cupped hands, he whimpered, saying, “Ah! Lordy, you saw that did you?
“Yes.”
The manager looked up with bloodshot eyes and tousled hair and said, “You’ll have to leave all this with me. I’ll scribble something later.”
“Yes. Right.” In that moment this was all the writer could think of saying. Then he took a deep breath and went on. “Sorry, but I can’t help feeling that your anxiety about the launch is getting the better of you. I do hope you don’t mind me saying that?”
“No, of course not.” The manager shook his head. “No. You’re quite right. I’m in a hell of a flutter about the whole thing.”
“May I suggest you take a Serenity pill?”
“I did. I took three.”
“And?”
He sighed. “The bloody things don’t work!”
