A long, long time ago, in the town of Nebazon, there lived a young woman named Maud. She was engaged to be married to Jonathon, a carpenter. Jonathan was a nice enough chap; not very bright, but he was nice enough.
His fiancée, Maud, was looking a little full around the middle. She was an attractive young thing and pretty smart. At least, she knew Jonathon wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, so to speak. It was his habit to call on her on his way to work.
Anyway, this particular morning she found Jonathon staring at her.
The conversation went something like this…
Maud: What’s up?
Jonathon: Oh, nothing.
Maud: No. Come on; what is it?
Jonathon: Well, it’s just that you are looking a bit…
Maud: A bit what?
Jonathon: A bit plump, I suppose. I know you’ve been throwing up in the morning.
Maud: Yes. OK. I’m pregnant.
Jonathon: Pregnant! How is that possible? We haven’t…
Maud: No. We haven’t.
Jonathon: Well, how did it happen?
Maud: How do you think?
Jonathon: I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you. I mean, you’re still a virgin, right?
Maud: Yes, of course I am.
Jonathon: Well?
Maud: God did it.
Jonathon: You had sex with…?
Maud: No! No! Of course not. He just snapped his fingers and did one of those miracle things he does, and made me pregnant.
Jonathon: God made you pregnant?
Maud: Yes.
Jonathon: Wow! That’s really cool.
Maud: You think so?
Jonathon: Yes. That is so cool.
Maud: Right.
Jonathon: Well? Don’t you?
Maud: Um… yes, yes, I suppose it’s really great!
Jonathon: Wow! We have to let people know about this.
Maud: Maybe we should just keep this between just the two of us… for now, anyway.
Jonathon: No! We can’t keep a thing like this to ourselves.
Maud: You think?
Jonathon: Sure! This is far too important to keep quiet about. Come on! Let’s go!
Minutes later they are standing in the main square of Nebazon, with a small crowd gathering around them, including the town’s head rabbi.
The discussion went something like this…
Rabbi: What’s this all about, Jonathon? I trust there’s a good reason for calling people together like this?
Jonathon: Go ahead, Maud! Tell them. Tell them what you told me.
Maud: Eh! God made me pregnant.
Rabbi: Now, Jonathon, you know you’re not supposed to do that before…
Jonathon: No! No! You don’t get it! She’s still a virgin! God made her pregnant… you know …directly!
Villager One: So, what you’re saying here, basically… is that Maud tells you she’s a virgin. Right?
Jonathon: Right.
Villager Two: And you haven’t had sex with her.
Jonathon: Right.
Villager Three: And now she’s pregnant.
Jonathon: Yes.
Villager Four: So you think that God did it?
Jonathon: Well. Yes. What other explanation could there be?
Rabbi: Well, I must say, that is just so…
Jonathon: Yes?
Rabbi: It is just so…
Jonathon: Yes?
Rabbi: It is just so… wonderful! It’s a miracle!
Villager Five: A miracle! A miracle right here in Nebazon!
Villager Six: Wow! I thought that miracles only happened in Jerusalem!
Villager Seven: People of Nebazon! Let us spread the good news!
Later in the morning Maud is chatting with her best friend, Beryl.
The discussion went something like this…
Beryl: God did it?
Maud: I Know. I panicked! It was all I could think of at the time.
Beryl: So who’s the real…? OK. OK. I won’t ask. Oh! I get it. So, that’s why the rabbi went along with it.
Maud: Well, put it like this; he thinks he’s the father.
Beryl: Well, you seem to have got away with it anyway.
Maud: Yes, but…
Beryl: What?
Maud: I feel as if everything’s getting out of hand. I mean, what kind of thing is this to have hanging over my kid’s head?
Beryl: No! Don’t fret. No one’s going to care about this for too long. Give it a couple of months and the whole thing will probably blow over.
Maud: I hope you’re right…