Questionnaire

He knew how important this job was to him.

He also knew that he only had one shot at it. The word was that the company’s criteria were strict, but he felt that getting this far was a really positive sign. The young man had taken particular care with his dress and was conscious of his manners and body language. The receptionist was nice. He had declined a glass of water, but the offer was appreciated. The offices were plush with expensive looking furnishings. He sat waiting to be called.

The girl at the reception desk called out, “You can go through now; first door on the right.” With a smile and a nod, he got up and walked steadily to the door and knocked softly. A voice called out, “Enter”.

He went into a large well-appointed office. The manager stood up, shook his hand and waived him to a chair. The manager shuffled papers for a moment, then looked up with a welcoming smile. He passed a questionnaire across the desk.

“It’s a very simple test,” he said, pointing at the papers, “everybody does this, we have a policy of inclusivity here. You are only required to tick either the ‘yes’ or the ‘no’ box for each question. It is weighted you understand. We use the software associated with the questionnaire to create a psychological profile.”

 

The applicant flipped over a couple of pages. They were filled with questions, together with boxes running down the margins.

The manager handed him a pen. “You need to use this. It’s designed so that the software can read your answers.” He then pointed to a small table and chair in the corner. “You can sit there. Take your time. Just let me know when you’ve finished.”

He moved to the table and sat looking at his own personal details printed at the top of the cover page before looking over the questionnaire’s contents. He picked up the pen and began.

The questionnaire read

• Are you a law abiding citizen?
• Do you have a criminal record?
• Do you have a history of drug use?
• Are you heavily in debt?
• Does power for its own sake interest you?
• Would you put yourself first and not your country?
• Do you have any military experience?
• Do you feel that you are a born leader?
• Do you have a natural talent for influencing people?
• Do you like to take responsibility for making decisions?
• Before making a decision do you contemplate all the pros and cons?
• Do you always do what is expected of you to avoid criticism?
• Do you find routine boring?
• Are you concerned about what others think of you?
• Do you accurately estimate the amount of time it will take to complete a task?
• Do you make to-do lists?
• When you are criticized, do you avoid taking it personally?
• Do you make comments that you wish you could take back?
• Do you procrastinate?
• Generally, do you think people can be trusted?
• Do you tend to take things personally?
• Do you get upset when things don’t go your way?
• Do you feel useless at times?
• Are you happy to be a follower?
• Do you feel you are a person of worth?
• When you sense that people dislike you, do you usually feel offended?
• Do you take a positive attitude toward yourself?
• Do you feel that you have a number of good qualities?
• Are you satisfied with your current lifestyle?
• Can you blend in with a crowd?
• Do you like being the centre of attention?
• Can you usually talk your way out of things?
• Do you regard yourself as a special person?
• Do you tend to be a fairly cautious person?
• Are you essentially a modest person?
• Do you feel that you are no better or worse than most people?
• Do you always accept the consequences of your own behaviour?
• When people compliment you, do you sometimes get embarrassed?
• Do you usually get the respect that you deserve?
• Can you tell if someone is lying?
• Do you find that people are sometimes hard to understand?
• Can you make anybody believe anything you want them to?
• Do you find it easy to manipulate people?
• Do you sometimes depend on other people to get things done?
• Would you make a good leader?
• Do you always know what you are doing?
• Do you just want to be reasonably happy?
• If you ruled the world would it be a better place?
• Do you find that you usually show off if you get the chance?
• Do you like to do things for other people?
• Would you like to have authority over other people?
• Do you expect a great deal from other people?
• Does abstract thinking appeal to you?
• Do you take your satisfactions as they come?
• Are you concerned about being a success?
• Do you like to be complimented?
• Do you think there is a lot that you can learn from other people?
• Can you cope with unpredictable experiences?
• Do you care about new fads and fashions?
• Do you feel that people always recognize your authority?
• Would you be able to handle investigating somebody who was a threat to your life?
• Do you hope that you are going to be successful?
• Can you handle loud noises and chaotic scenes?
• Do you feel you are more capable than other people?
• Overall, would you say you’re satisfied with yourself?

When he was finished he stood. He rolled his shoulders a couple of times, before taking the completed papers back to the manager, who took them with a smile and fed the pages into a machine. The screen on the top flickered and a buzzing sound indicated that the checking process was underway. The manager said, “It should only take a moment.”

The young man said, “Thank you.” He sat down, coughed politely, straightened his tie and waited patiently.

The sound stopped and a printout was produced. The manager gave him a smile saying, “congratulations. If you take this across to the door opposite, the Human Resources people will arrange things for you. Congratulations again.”

As he was leaving the office, the manager enquired, “By the way, do you know how to fry chicken?”