The wind had taken him; it had swept him clean off the high-rise building. With useless limbs whipping wildly, he plummeted to the concrete below. As he tumbled faster and faster past dozens of windows, Gerry realised two things. Firstly, his safety line had not been connected properly, and secondly, he had been totally involved in reliving last night’s video, in which he had been mentally playing the lead role. He loved movies.
He was screaming now, as loud as the rushing wind would allow… but as loud as he could, anyway. Then things began to change. An eerie silence fell and a soft whispering swam around inside his head. He was no longer falling but floating; suspended somehow, and the whispering gradually took on some sort of meaning.
“Gerald”. It was saying. “Gerald, I want to talk to you”.
He looked around at the soft, grey cloud that seemed to be cradling him. As he peered through the mist he saw the shadow approaching.
When it finally came to a halt in front of him he made out an extremely thin man, in fact, a skeleton, dressed in a long, black gown, holding a scythe. Gerry recognised him without any trouble, as the reaper. Right there and then, he was floating in mid air looking up into the face of Death. Gerry started to scream again; this time much louder, owing to the much improved environment.
Death winced, “Oi! Vay! Are you finished with the screaming already?” it croaked.
Gerry paused momentarily, trying to take in the concept of a Jewish reaper, then thought better of it and started screaming again.
The figure in black just watched him for a while; obviously waiting. Eventually exhaustion took over and Gerry dropped to a heavy gasping.
“If you’re finished with the screaming; I only need to ask you a question.”
“Do what? Are you mad? You have me suspended here, in this… this invisible hammock, and you want to ask me a question? Are you nuts?”
“Vai! This is not a quiz show. If you don’t like questions how about we just shmooze for a minute?”
“Shmooze? What’s that?”
“Oy vai! Shmooze, you know, a little chat, small talk”. He seemed to scratch his bony head with the tip of his blade. “Wait. I’ll change my speech pattern. Bone finger-tips touched his vertebrae, where a neck might normally be.
“OK Gerald I just have…”
“Gerry.”
“What was that?”
“Gerry. People call me Gerry, I never liked Gerald.”
“OK! OK! Gerry. I just have one question for you. One; that’s all”.
Gerry said. “OK. OK. Ask your question”.
“Do you want my job?”
“Eh?”
“I would like to know whether you would be interested in doing my job.”
Gerry looked baffled. “What do you mean your job?”
“You know; giving the calling, announcing when numbers are up… reaping!”
“You’re making me a job offer, right?”
“Yes, if you like.”
“Why?”
The figure sighed. “I’ve had enough. I’d really like to retire.”
“But you’re Death! I didn’t know you could retire.”
“Oh! I can, but when I put in my application, I was told that I had to find a replacement. So, what do think? Better than this isn’t it? You know…” he look down through the mist at the distant street. “…better than that down there.”
Gerry thought for a moment and said “Maybe”.
“It wouldn’t take much to transfer you”.
“Why would I want to transfer?”
“Well, like I said, you get to stay alive for one thing. Well, not exactly alive, not as such, but almost!”
“You mean I’d have to become an undead?”
“No, not undead; I don’t know what it is exactly but it’s definitely an existence, which many regard as much better than non-existence. Believe me, it is non-existence that waits for you down there on the road.”
Gerry thought deeply for a while.
Death said “Well, do you want the job?”
Gerry considered a little longer and said. “No! No thanks.”
The cloud vanished and he began falling again, although he didn’t seem to be getting any closer to the ground. Then he noticed that Death was floating beside him.
He was saying something. “You are really, really sure about this? You are absolutely sure you don’t want this job instead of being dead? It’s not too bad really. You actually get to meet lots of interesting people”.
“No, like I told you, I don’t want your job.” Gerry closed his eyes, resigned now to his fate.
“You’re positive then. You’re about to die here. Your body is going to smash into the middle of the street, make women scream, block traffic and generally lower the tone of the neighbourhood”.
“I told you before; I said no, I don’t want it.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“You really sure you don’t want it?”
“Yes!”
“Really, really sure?”
“Yes! I don’t want your job! Go away and let me die in peace.”
“What about the perks?”
“What perks?”
“Oh! Didn’t I mention them?”
“No. You didn’t. What perks?”
“Free video vouchers!”
“Free…?” Gerry didn’t finish the sentence. He was now making women scream, blocking traffic and generally lowering the tone of the neighbourhood.
“Bloody ingrate”, Death muttered, as he pulled a piece of paper out from his robe. He looked down his list… and disappeared.
He had more applicants to screen.