The travelling salesmen often met up at the little café on the corner.
They could drink and chat, stare out at the passers-by and swap stories about their latest travels. It had become a regular habit that broke the monotony of moving endlessly around the country promoting and selling for their respective companies. They referred to them as their coffee breaks.
The first man said that he’d had a strange encounter. In truth he was always having strange encounters, it seemed to be part of a traveller’s lot. There had always been something of a competitive nature between them regarding the telling of their tales. He put his cup down and began.
“I was in a town down near the coast buttering up this client when this kid runs in shouting about a fire at the end of the street. Well, you can imagine it threw me completely. I forgot all about trying to make a sale and rushed outside. Sure enough, the big, old hotel at the end of the street was blazing away with great plumes of black smoke billowing up.”
The second man said “Wow! And you were right in the middle of it.”
“I certainly was” said the other. “I couldn’t see any signs of action and supposed it was just a quiet time of day. There didn’t seem to be anybody around and the kid was standing next to me looking frantic.”
“What did you do?”
“Well now, that’s the funny thing. I asked the boy if anyone had phoned the fire brigade and he said there was no point, and with that he just sauntered off in the opposite direction.” He sipped at his drink, shaking his head. “I couldn’t believe it. He just strolled away with his shoulders hunched. I guess I was just struck dumb for a bit. Anyway, I rushed back in to the shop and found the guy I’d been talking to just casually reading the paper.”
“There’s a fire!” I yelled, but he didn’t seem to respond, just kept on reading. “Hey mister,” I shouted, I was getting pretty angry now, “I don’t know what your problem is but…”
“Hey! Calm down.” He says. “If there was a fire, I’d know about it.” He looked over at the phone. “I’m the voluntary fire crew chief for the area. If there was really a fire I’d soon know about it.”
I said “No, but…”
He shouted me down again. “It’s OK. That kid has been coming in here on a regular basis shouting fire. He got into big trouble last time. He’s in for the high jump this time I can tell you.”
I went to shout at him again when the door burst open and this bloke screams. “The phones are down! The pub’s on fire!”
“That was it, wasn’t it? Pandemonium broke out. I tell you, I didn’t make a sale that day. Nobody had time for me, so I just packed up and went home early.”
“Amazing!” Said his companion, and went off to order more coffees. When he returned, he put the cups down and stood for a moment. “I had a rum do recently.” He said, as he sat back down. “I was on one of my country visits and going out to a farm, fertilizers, you know. Anyway, I was just about there when I came across this group of people straggled across the lane. They were an odd looking bunch and I slowed right down to take a good look at them.” He fell silent for a moment.
His friend said “Go on.”
“Well, there was this guy, who seemed to be in charge, and several women all carrying these bags, and I couldn’t help wondering if they were cutting in on my territory flogging cheap fertilizer. Silly really. Anyway, it turned out that they were all part of some sort of animal welfare thing, collecting strays and taking them to a nearby animal hospital where they were cared for. The guy started telling me how good his wife was at finding them, then he turned to another woman saying she was excellent at calming them down and actually capturing them.” He frowned. “The thing was he referred to the second woman as his wife as well!” He laughed. “So, by way of a joke, I asked him just how many of them were his wives, and he said all of them and told me he was a polygamist.”
“A what?”
“Polygamist, you know, having more than one wife.”
The other looked doubtful, but said “What did you say to that?”
“Nothing really, not about that, I didn’t want to be rude. I did look over the whole group though, and asked how many animals they had caught.”
“What’d he say?”
“He very proudly announced they had caught forty-nine!”
“Wow! Did you believe him?”
The man telling the story shrugged and said “Dunno.”
The man listening shook his head and smirked “And where was this place?”
“Saint Ives.” Came the reply.
They both laughed. They really enjoyed their coffee breaks.